Fasting

Our church is in the midst of a three-week corporate fast.  It's sort of amusing to me that fasting is God's way of slowing us down and bringing us near and helping us listen to His voice.  I am excited about what He'll speak into our lives this year as we listen carefully for His voice.

John 10:1-18
“Very truly I tell you Pharisees, anyone who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.” Jesus used this figure of speech, but the Pharisees did not understand what he was telling them.

Therefore Jesus said again, “Very truly I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep. All who have come before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep have not listened to them. I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. The hired hand is not the shepherd and does not own the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep.

“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me—just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep. I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd. The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life—only to take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father.”

In Remembrance

"The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, 'This is My body, broken for you; do this in remembrance of Me.' In the same way, after supper He took the cup, saying, 'This cup is the new covenant in My blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of Me.' For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until He comes."

May we never forget the price He willingly paid to provide for us a place at His table.  May we live eucharistically and continually proclaim the Lord's death through the celebration of His Supper as a sign to the world until He returns.

The Lord's Prayer, Exemplary of Imprecatory Prayer, Exalts God

I'll let it speak for itself, keeping in mind that these are the words of Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself.

This, then, is how you should pray: "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come,
your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil; for yours is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever and ever. Amen."
-Matthew 6:9-13

Notice how Jesus, in His example of how His disciples [that's us] should pray, emphasizes God's glory.  God's name (which is not Jesus, by the way, although Jesus is unquestionably God) is lifted up as holy, and the individual praying asks for God's kingdom to come and for His will (not the praying person's will) to be done.  It closes by recognizing that the kingdom, the power, and the glory belong to God forever and ever - not to man.  In this way, the Lord's prayer, the example Jesus gave of how we should pray, exalts God and recognizes men as askers, not commanders, of God. 

God doesn't need our permission to accomplish His purposes in the world, but like any good Father, He hears the requests of His children, and grants them if it suits Him.  We must always keep in mind that He knows better than we do, that He sees a bigger picture that He has not revealed to us.  Although, as His children, we may be crying out for the spiritual equivalent of ice cream, the Father knows we haven't yet eaten our dinner.  Or maybe what we're crying out for is so outside His plan for us that He snatches it away quickly, because He knows that, like the can of pesticide beneath the kitchen sink, it would be poison to our souls if granted.  He knows.  We don't.  That's why our prayers are always to be couched in gentle requests with the acknowledgement that God's will and knowledge are higher and better than our own. 

To say something akin to, "Father right now in the name of Jesus I command this affliction to leave this individual" is to fail to recognize that it's possible GOD HIMSELF caused the affliction for His own purposes.  Like that of the man blind from birth, some afflictions are not from sin, but rather came about so that God's glory might be revealed (John 9:1-4).  And some afflictions actually do come from God.  Take, for instance, the case of King David's affliction.

"I know, O LORD, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness You have afflicted me."
-Psalm 119:75

Why was King David afflicted?  To bring about his renewed obedience to God.

"Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey Your word."
-Psalm 119:67

I personally believe, though it's not explicitly stated in the Bible, that King David strayed from God because he followed after the lusts of his flesh - not just his lust for another woman, but lust in general born of a greedy and manipulative heart.  He became so consumed with his riches and power that he got comfortable and no longer obeyed God.  I believe that God had to strip David of some of these things to accomplish His purpose in David's life - namely, repentance and a renewed commitment to obeying the Lord.  Again, I believe that like any good Father, the Lord removes things from our lives that are preventing us from being the person into whom He is shaping us.  This may, in the momentary and temporary sense, be perceived by us children as an "affliction," but really the Lord is just chastising and growing us by removing anything that is not of Him.  By framing our prayers in an imprecatory fashion, by asking God instead of telling Him, we exalt Him and acknowledge the superiority of His thoughts and ways over our own.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."
-Proverbs 16:9

Cashflo Dollar is Wrong: God IS in Control!

"Get this in your head. YOU are in CONTROL over this planet. I'm gonna have to say it several times, because people just don't, they can't just, they just can't get ahold, they just can't grasp ahold of that concept..here it is, let's just go right ahead and say it, they can't, they have a hard time about with what I'm about to say. GOD IS NOT IN CONTROL OVER THIS PLANET."
-Creflo Dollar
Sorry, Cashflo, but God IS in control! That's fundamental to true Christian belief. If we are in control, and God is not in control, how are we not making ourselves like God? If we claim authority that rightly belongs to God, how does that not artificially exalt us and diminish the Lord?

The revelation of Scripture is this: God is in control of His entire creation, including the earth.

"The earth is the Lord's, and the fulness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein." -Psalm 24:1

"Therefore David blessed the LORD in the presence of all the assembly. And David said: 'Blessed are you, O LORD, the God of Israel our father, forever and ever. Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is yours. Yours is the kingdom, O LORD, and you are exalted as head above all. Both riches and honor come from you, and you rule over all. In your hand are power and might, and in your hand it is to make great and to give strength to all. And now we thank you, our God, and praise your glorious name.'" -1 Chronicles 29:10-13

"Prayer is man giving God legal right and permission to interfere in earth's affairs."
-Creflo Dollar
Are you kidding me? God doesn't need MY permission to do ANYTHING. In fact, He works out everything in conformity with the purpose of HIS OWN will, not our will (Ephesians 1:11). The clear teaching of the Bible is that when we pray, we are to ask this His will be done (see the Lord's Prayer). God doesn't need our permission to accomplish His will; rather, He needs our submission and our faith in His ability to accomplish His will in a way that works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

Here is a link to video of "Dr. Dollar" making this statement, just in case it's hard to believe he actually said this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQui4Ce6HXU

See also this thoughtful piece by John Piper, who is a Calvinist (which I'm not, but I agree with his assessment of "faith preachers"): Why I Abominate the Prosperity Gospel.

The Last 1.5 Years of My Life

Where have I been for the last year and a half? I've been in law school. As a first-year law student, I had very little time for breathing, much less blogging. I anticipate my second year will be better, but honestly, this blog is pretty much only for me anyway. If I fall behind, I'm sure no one will particularly mind that much.

I worked hard in my first year of law school, and I'm happy to say that I did well. Going to law school was one of the best decisions I've ever made, a clear step in the direction of where God wants me.

What else happened to me in the past year and a half? I had another miscarriage in late May 2010, this time at just 4w5d. I barely knew I was pregnant. It is less painful somehow, the second time around...or at least it was for me. I suppose it's easier to trust in the grace and judgment of God in the face of what seems so terrible when you've exercised those particular muscles before and trained them what to do.

I am now seeing an endocrinologist for my thyroid issues and for PCOS. My TSH was .62 in February, .16 in July, and 1.6 in August. I have no idea what my thyroid is doing. I had a battery of tests a couple of weeks ago, and I'll get the results when I go back for my oral glucose tolerance test in September. Apparently, this is now a "gold standard" test which all PCOS patients should have before their 30th birthdays. I'm in my late twenties, so bring on the chugging orange I guess.

I wish I could say that, rough stone rolling that I am, I've become smoother in the last year and a half...and perhaps I have. I would like to think that I have. I would like to think that the rushing river of life running over me has revealed more of God's handiwork and the person I was created to be. I would like to think I am more humble, more grateful, and more concerned with the welfare of others. I would like to think that each turn on the Potter's wheel has molded me more into what He would have me be. I would like to think that I have surrended my own life for His, just as He once surrendered His life for mine. I would like to think I've laid it all down without picking it back up again.

I would like to think these things, but they are best left to outward observers, and to God...not to me. I am afraid that an attempt at self-evaluation would turn into self-deception, that what I would like to think would improperly influence what I actually thought. But I do hope that I am beginning to bear spiritual fruit even in this season of physical barrenness, and I hope that the Lord has done what He desires through me, that I have not stepped in His way but rather followed His still, small counsel. To be sure, one day I will know, but that day cannot be today. All I can do is pray that the Lord will give me a soft and willing heart, and that He will guide me always into truth and direct me in the path He would have me take, all to His glory.

Everything All at Once (Or, As the Eye Twitcheth)

Today has me smack-dab in the middle of everything.

First, I'm expecting my LSAT score at some undetermined time in the hopefully near future. I think my right index finger is about to stage a coup because it's tired of repeatedly clicking the refresh button. The official score report date is 1/5/09, but they usually do send out scores quite a bit sooner than they promise them. I'm anxious to get my score and know where I stand.

Second, tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and I have to work. This puts me in a unique situation because one side of my family has their Christmas gathering on Christmas Eve. Generally, the day before big holidays, we get off at 2:15, but sometimes we don't. My employer would not tell us whether or not we could expect to leave early tomorrow. Either way, I will be late to our 2pm gathering, but there is a distinct difference between showing up at 3 because I got off at 2:15 and showing up at 5 because I got off at 4:15. By 5, I don't imagine anyone will still be there!

Third, a lot of changes are happening at church and while change is good, it can be stressful.

Fourth, the previous three things I listed have made me sleep-deprived, which is not a desirable state for someone trying to navigate stressful situations. I need sleep, but when is that really going to happen, huh?

So yeah, that's where I am today, in the middle of everything, a ball of crazy.

My left eye is twitching, but I think the girl who sits behind me thinks I am flicking my eyelid with my finger for no reason at all. Lovely.