"The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, 'This is My body, broken for you; do this in remembrance of Me.' In the same way, after supper He took the cup, saying, 'This cup is the new covenant in My blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of Me.' For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until He comes."
May we never forget the price He willingly paid to provide for us a place at His table. May we live eucharistically and continually proclaim the Lord's death through the celebration of His Supper as a sign to the world until He returns.
Showing posts with label smoothness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label smoothness. Show all posts
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Blue Like Jazz
My mood is so uneven. I am fine and then irked and then in tears. Irritations abound because difficulty abounds. Where is my peace? Where can I ever be safe from the tornadoes of the everyday?
The answer lies, I know, in the hollow of His hand. He is big, He is mighty, and He is shelter and rest. My inability to relax and rest in His peace is its own sort of learned helplessness, I suppose. Like the animal who refuses to leave its long-dwelt cage even when the door is open, so I too am trapped in my own insecurities. This is a lack of faith, because I know (but don't - can't? - really trust) that He is security, that God and my husband as an illustration of God are perfectly trustworthy and out for my good.
Maybe I've been running so long, kept and held so long as an object of responsibility rather than love, that I find it difficult to conceptualize what it means to be loved, what it means for others to care for real about my happiness and my success. I'e been told all my life that I am self-absorbed, that I am selfish, that I need to learn to think of others. Looking back, did I really ever have a problem, or were those who so instructed me simply revealing their own self-absorption? I don't know. I have worked at humility, but will I ever arrive? What's at play here? Are my womanhood and short stature relevant to my emotional state?
I am a loving person generally. Love is what drew me to God, and love is what drew the Lord to die for me. I would say that love is a, if not the, defining characteristic of my life. I care about others, or at least I think I do. How do I appear to others? Do they know that I love them, or do I seem concerned only with self? My goal is not to impress others, but to be a representation of truth if I can. No one can see my heart but me and God. I worry about my own motivations. Self-doubt has been both bred and instilled in me; nature and nurture are a double-whammy.
What do the two great commandments mean? Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength; and like unto the first one, love your neighbor as yourself. The Law is LOVE. I have never had a big problem loving God or others, but do I love myself? Do I honor myself as a creation of the Most High God? The questions come easy, but the answers never may. In this area I am, as in all things, a work in progress.
"Everybody sings their song the way they feel it, everybody closes their eyes and lifts up their hands."
-Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz
The answer lies, I know, in the hollow of His hand. He is big, He is mighty, and He is shelter and rest. My inability to relax and rest in His peace is its own sort of learned helplessness, I suppose. Like the animal who refuses to leave its long-dwelt cage even when the door is open, so I too am trapped in my own insecurities. This is a lack of faith, because I know (but don't - can't? - really trust) that He is security, that God and my husband as an illustration of God are perfectly trustworthy and out for my good.
Maybe I've been running so long, kept and held so long as an object of responsibility rather than love, that I find it difficult to conceptualize what it means to be loved, what it means for others to care for real about my happiness and my success. I'e been told all my life that I am self-absorbed, that I am selfish, that I need to learn to think of others. Looking back, did I really ever have a problem, or were those who so instructed me simply revealing their own self-absorption? I don't know. I have worked at humility, but will I ever arrive? What's at play here? Are my womanhood and short stature relevant to my emotional state?
I am a loving person generally. Love is what drew me to God, and love is what drew the Lord to die for me. I would say that love is a, if not the, defining characteristic of my life. I care about others, or at least I think I do. How do I appear to others? Do they know that I love them, or do I seem concerned only with self? My goal is not to impress others, but to be a representation of truth if I can. No one can see my heart but me and God. I worry about my own motivations. Self-doubt has been both bred and instilled in me; nature and nurture are a double-whammy.
What do the two great commandments mean? Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength; and like unto the first one, love your neighbor as yourself. The Law is LOVE. I have never had a big problem loving God or others, but do I love myself? Do I honor myself as a creation of the Most High God? The questions come easy, but the answers never may. In this area I am, as in all things, a work in progress.
"Everybody sings their song the way they feel it, everybody closes their eyes and lifts up their hands."
-Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz
Sunday, August 29, 2010
The Lord's Prayer, Exemplary of Imprecatory Prayer, Exalts God
I'll let it speak for itself, keeping in mind that these are the words of Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself.
This, then, is how you should pray: "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come,
your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil; for yours is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever and ever. Amen."
-Matthew 6:9-13
Notice how Jesus, in His example of how His disciples [that's us] should pray, emphasizes God's glory. God's name (which is not Jesus, by the way, although Jesus is unquestionably God) is lifted up as holy, and the individual praying asks for God's kingdom to come and for His will (not the praying person's will) to be done. It closes by recognizing that the kingdom, the power, and the glory belong to God forever and ever - not to man. In this way, the Lord's prayer, the example Jesus gave of how we should pray, exalts God and recognizes men as askers, not commanders, of God.
God doesn't need our permission to accomplish His purposes in the world, but like any good Father, He hears the requests of His children, and grants them if it suits Him. We must always keep in mind that He knows better than we do, that He sees a bigger picture that He has not revealed to us. Although, as His children, we may be crying out for the spiritual equivalent of ice cream, the Father knows we haven't yet eaten our dinner. Or maybe what we're crying out for is so outside His plan for us that He snatches it away quickly, because He knows that, like the can of pesticide beneath the kitchen sink, it would be poison to our souls if granted. He knows. We don't. That's why our prayers are always to be couched in gentle requests with the acknowledgement that God's will and knowledge are higher and better than our own.
To say something akin to, "Father right now in the name of Jesus I command this affliction to leave this individual" is to fail to recognize that it's possible GOD HIMSELF caused the affliction for His own purposes. Like that of the man blind from birth, some afflictions are not from sin, but rather came about so that God's glory might be revealed (John 9:1-4). And some afflictions actually do come from God. Take, for instance, the case of King David's affliction.
"I know, O LORD, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness You have afflicted me."
-Psalm 119:75
Why was King David afflicted? To bring about his renewed obedience to God.
"Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey Your word."
-Psalm 119:67
I personally believe, though it's not explicitly stated in the Bible, that King David strayed from God because he followed after the lusts of his flesh - not just his lust for another woman, but lust in general born of a greedy and manipulative heart. He became so consumed with his riches and power that he got comfortable and no longer obeyed God. I believe that God had to strip David of some of these things to accomplish His purpose in David's life - namely, repentance and a renewed commitment to obeying the Lord. Again, I believe that like any good Father, the Lord removes things from our lives that are preventing us from being the person into whom He is shaping us. This may, in the momentary and temporary sense, be perceived by us children as an "affliction," but really the Lord is just chastising and growing us by removing anything that is not of Him. By framing our prayers in an imprecatory fashion, by asking God instead of telling Him, we exalt Him and acknowledge the superiority of His thoughts and ways over our own.
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."
-Proverbs 16:9
This, then, is how you should pray: "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come,
your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil; for yours is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever and ever. Amen."
-Matthew 6:9-13
Notice how Jesus, in His example of how His disciples [that's us] should pray, emphasizes God's glory. God's name (which is not Jesus, by the way, although Jesus is unquestionably God) is lifted up as holy, and the individual praying asks for God's kingdom to come and for His will (not the praying person's will) to be done. It closes by recognizing that the kingdom, the power, and the glory belong to God forever and ever - not to man. In this way, the Lord's prayer, the example Jesus gave of how we should pray, exalts God and recognizes men as askers, not commanders, of God.
God doesn't need our permission to accomplish His purposes in the world, but like any good Father, He hears the requests of His children, and grants them if it suits Him. We must always keep in mind that He knows better than we do, that He sees a bigger picture that He has not revealed to us. Although, as His children, we may be crying out for the spiritual equivalent of ice cream, the Father knows we haven't yet eaten our dinner. Or maybe what we're crying out for is so outside His plan for us that He snatches it away quickly, because He knows that, like the can of pesticide beneath the kitchen sink, it would be poison to our souls if granted. He knows. We don't. That's why our prayers are always to be couched in gentle requests with the acknowledgement that God's will and knowledge are higher and better than our own.
To say something akin to, "Father right now in the name of Jesus I command this affliction to leave this individual" is to fail to recognize that it's possible GOD HIMSELF caused the affliction for His own purposes. Like that of the man blind from birth, some afflictions are not from sin, but rather came about so that God's glory might be revealed (John 9:1-4). And some afflictions actually do come from God. Take, for instance, the case of King David's affliction.
"I know, O LORD, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness You have afflicted me."
-Psalm 119:75
Why was King David afflicted? To bring about his renewed obedience to God.
"Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey Your word."
-Psalm 119:67
I personally believe, though it's not explicitly stated in the Bible, that King David strayed from God because he followed after the lusts of his flesh - not just his lust for another woman, but lust in general born of a greedy and manipulative heart. He became so consumed with his riches and power that he got comfortable and no longer obeyed God. I believe that God had to strip David of some of these things to accomplish His purpose in David's life - namely, repentance and a renewed commitment to obeying the Lord. Again, I believe that like any good Father, the Lord removes things from our lives that are preventing us from being the person into whom He is shaping us. This may, in the momentary and temporary sense, be perceived by us children as an "affliction," but really the Lord is just chastising and growing us by removing anything that is not of Him. By framing our prayers in an imprecatory fashion, by asking God instead of telling Him, we exalt Him and acknowledge the superiority of His thoughts and ways over our own.
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."
-Proverbs 16:9
Saturday, August 14, 2010
The Last 1.5 Years of My Life
Where have I been for the last year and a half? I've been in law school. As a first-year law student, I had very little time for breathing, much less blogging. I anticipate my second year will be better, but honestly, this blog is pretty much only for me anyway. If I fall behind, I'm sure no one will particularly mind that much.
I worked hard in my first year of law school, and I'm happy to say that I did well. Going to law school was one of the best decisions I've ever made, a clear step in the direction of where God wants me.
What else happened to me in the past year and a half? I had another miscarriage in late May 2010, this time at just 4w5d. I barely knew I was pregnant. It is less painful somehow, the second time around...or at least it was for me. I suppose it's easier to trust in the grace and judgment of God in the face of what seems so terrible when you've exercised those particular muscles before and trained them what to do.
I am now seeing an endocrinologist for my thyroid issues and for PCOS. My TSH was .62 in February, .16 in July, and 1.6 in August. I have no idea what my thyroid is doing. I had a battery of tests a couple of weeks ago, and I'll get the results when I go back for my oral glucose tolerance test in September. Apparently, this is now a "gold standard" test which all PCOS patients should have before their 30th birthdays. I'm in my late twenties, so bring on the chugging orange I guess.
I wish I could say that, rough stone rolling that I am, I've become smoother in the last year and a half...and perhaps I have. I would like to think that I have. I would like to think that the rushing river of life running over me has revealed more of God's handiwork and the person I was created to be. I would like to think I am more humble, more grateful, and more concerned with the welfare of others. I would like to think that each turn on the Potter's wheel has molded me more into what He would have me be. I would like to think that I have surrended my own life for His, just as He once surrendered His life for mine. I would like to think I've laid it all down without picking it back up again.
I would like to think these things, but they are best left to outward observers, and to God...not to me. I am afraid that an attempt at self-evaluation would turn into self-deception, that what I would like to think would improperly influence what I actually thought. But I do hope that I am beginning to bear spiritual fruit even in this season of physical barrenness, and I hope that the Lord has done what He desires through me, that I have not stepped in His way but rather followed His still, small counsel. To be sure, one day I will know, but that day cannot be today. All I can do is pray that the Lord will give me a soft and willing heart, and that He will guide me always into truth and direct me in the path He would have me take, all to His glory.
I worked hard in my first year of law school, and I'm happy to say that I did well. Going to law school was one of the best decisions I've ever made, a clear step in the direction of where God wants me.
What else happened to me in the past year and a half? I had another miscarriage in late May 2010, this time at just 4w5d. I barely knew I was pregnant. It is less painful somehow, the second time around...or at least it was for me. I suppose it's easier to trust in the grace and judgment of God in the face of what seems so terrible when you've exercised those particular muscles before and trained them what to do.
I am now seeing an endocrinologist for my thyroid issues and for PCOS. My TSH was .62 in February, .16 in July, and 1.6 in August. I have no idea what my thyroid is doing. I had a battery of tests a couple of weeks ago, and I'll get the results when I go back for my oral glucose tolerance test in September. Apparently, this is now a "gold standard" test which all PCOS patients should have before their 30th birthdays. I'm in my late twenties, so bring on the chugging orange I guess.
I wish I could say that, rough stone rolling that I am, I've become smoother in the last year and a half...and perhaps I have. I would like to think that I have. I would like to think that the rushing river of life running over me has revealed more of God's handiwork and the person I was created to be. I would like to think I am more humble, more grateful, and more concerned with the welfare of others. I would like to think that each turn on the Potter's wheel has molded me more into what He would have me be. I would like to think that I have surrended my own life for His, just as He once surrendered His life for mine. I would like to think I've laid it all down without picking it back up again.
I would like to think these things, but they are best left to outward observers, and to God...not to me. I am afraid that an attempt at self-evaluation would turn into self-deception, that what I would like to think would improperly influence what I actually thought. But I do hope that I am beginning to bear spiritual fruit even in this season of physical barrenness, and I hope that the Lord has done what He desires through me, that I have not stepped in His way but rather followed His still, small counsel. To be sure, one day I will know, but that day cannot be today. All I can do is pray that the Lord will give me a soft and willing heart, and that He will guide me always into truth and direct me in the path He would have me take, all to His glory.
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