New Threats to Freedom - The Freedom to Fail

The loss of the freedom to fail is a true American tragedy. Today's young adults grew up in the era of positivity and self-esteem, which predictably turned out a self-centered generation convinced of its entitlement to academic success, to employment, to financial stability, and to other things prior generations knew came only with hard work. Members of this generation seem to be uniformly convinced - all eighty-five million of them - that they are special. But the real question is this: what does special mean if everyone qualifies?

Without failure, success becomes meaningless. Motivation to excel evaporates. This is basic introductory psychology: if we reward a behavior, we incentivize more of it.  If we reward mediocre work, then we should expect more mediocre work.  These conditions encourage not a race to the top, but a regression toward the mean.  Further, if even a lack of effort will be declared just as successful as outstanding effort, there is no incentive to push harder to achieve difficult goals. When excellence is no longer rewarded by recognition, true accomplishment vanishes.

Also, when failure is uncommon, the healthy fear of failure which motivates people to be diligent disappears, replaced by an unhealthy, paralyzing anxiety. Failure takes on a disproportionate degree of importance. This is why we have parents lined up to protest their children's grades and why teachers "socially promote" unsuccessful students.  This is, at least in part, why there are high school graduates in this country who cannot read.  I ask you, can we call their education a success?  We have decided failure is an unacceptable insult to a person's self-esteem, but maybe rewarding false success is the real insult, because it implies the person is incapable of real success.

When the unhealthy fear of failure reigns, to fail (or worse, to be a failure) becomes unthinkable.  This leads to inertia and paralysis.  It stifles risk-taking, innovation, and creativity.  People who are afraid to fail are defeated already because they become afraid to try. 

The reason this is a tragedy for America is obvious.  Innovation and creativity are what have made this country great.  If we become afraid to take risks, we limit our capacity to succeed and lead the world in discovery and innovation.  As the story goes, Thomas Edison failed thousands of times in his creation of the light bulb before he finally arrived at success.  While this may be an urban legend, the point itself is valid: those who give up because they are afraid to fail are guaranteed never to succeed. 

Failure is not defeat unless it results in surrender, and it is almost always a stepping stone on the path to success.  The truly great achievers of the past knew this, but it's a wisdom we have lost.  We need the freedom to fail so we can recover the freedom to try and to excel.  Anything less puts the American dream and its ideals in jeopardy.

Note: This post is an entry for a short essay scholarship contest.  The essay is in response to this video, which carries over themes from the book New Threats to Freedom, edited by Adam Bellow (available for purchase on Amazon and at other major booksellers).

Never Have I Known This River Dry

Everyone is pregnant...well, almost everyone. Not me, for instance. Why does this bother me? Some days it does, and some days it doesn't...but on the days it does, why does it? It's not - it can't be - that I somehow feel their pregnancies are preventing me from my own pregnancy. What is it, then? Pure covetousness? I tell myself no, but then again, I tell myself a lot of things.

It all comes down, I think, to this illusion in my own mind that I deserve to have a child (or more to the point, that my husband deserves to have a child). The truth is, y'all, I don't deserve anything good at all. I deserve death and hell and pain and suffering and neverending torment and separation from God. Who am I to question God's judgment, when He's been more than fair, when He's given me so much more than I deserve? Just for starters, I have a roof over my head and food in my belly and money in my bank account and a wonderful husband who loves me and thyroid meds to keep me from feeling sick and - oh my gosh - water on tap. And let's not forget, you know, eternal life. Y'all, I'm blessed, plain and simple. Baby or not, I'm a child of the Most High God. I should be less concerned with who is having children and more concerned with Whose child I am.


“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today."
-Matthew 6:25-34, New Living Translation

It's in my head, y'all, but sometimes it's not in my heart. I'm a-workin' on it, though.

The Last 1.5 Years of My Life

Where have I been for the last year and a half? I've been in law school. As a first-year law student, I had very little time for breathing, much less blogging. I anticipate my second year will be better, but honestly, this blog is pretty much only for me anyway. If I fall behind, I'm sure no one will particularly mind that much.

I worked hard in my first year of law school, and I'm happy to say that I did well. Going to law school was one of the best decisions I've ever made, a clear step in the direction of where God wants me.

What else happened to me in the past year and a half? I had another miscarriage in late May 2010, this time at just 4w5d. I barely knew I was pregnant. It is less painful somehow, the second time around...or at least it was for me. I suppose it's easier to trust in the grace and judgment of God in the face of what seems so terrible when you've exercised those particular muscles before and trained them what to do.

I am now seeing an endocrinologist for my thyroid issues and for PCOS. My TSH was .62 in February, .16 in July, and 1.6 in August. I have no idea what my thyroid is doing. I had a battery of tests a couple of weeks ago, and I'll get the results when I go back for my oral glucose tolerance test in September. Apparently, this is now a "gold standard" test which all PCOS patients should have before their 30th birthdays. I'm in my late twenties, so bring on the chugging orange I guess.

I wish I could say that, rough stone rolling that I am, I've become smoother in the last year and a half...and perhaps I have. I would like to think that I have. I would like to think that the rushing river of life running over me has revealed more of God's handiwork and the person I was created to be. I would like to think I am more humble, more grateful, and more concerned with the welfare of others. I would like to think that each turn on the Potter's wheel has molded me more into what He would have me be. I would like to think that I have surrended my own life for His, just as He once surrendered His life for mine. I would like to think I've laid it all down without picking it back up again.

I would like to think these things, but they are best left to outward observers, and to God...not to me. I am afraid that an attempt at self-evaluation would turn into self-deception, that what I would like to think would improperly influence what I actually thought. But I do hope that I am beginning to bear spiritual fruit even in this season of physical barrenness, and I hope that the Lord has done what He desires through me, that I have not stepped in His way but rather followed His still, small counsel. To be sure, one day I will know, but that day cannot be today. All I can do is pray that the Lord will give me a soft and willing heart, and that He will guide me always into truth and direct me in the path He would have me take, all to His glory.

Give us this day...

Today I am thankful for

2. The bread that God provides physically, and is spiritually, in my life daily.

And we begin again...

2008 was a beautiful year. I know that 2009 will be beautiful too.

I am so amazed every day at the path the Lord is leading me on. My husband is a wonderful, precious gift. Infertility is painful in our lives, but he has stuck by me through it all (and so has He). In a way, I feel that being childless - while definitely painful - is a unique opportunity to take time with my husband and really grow in love with him.

I really do feel that we love each other more every day. It feels at the end of each day that my heart is as full as it can possibly be, but in the morning, I wake to find that it has stretched just that bit more from the exercise and we are able to pour even more love into one another's hearts. I know a lot of young wives do not get the opportunity for a lot of bonding before babies, and I know that I should count myself blessed in almost every way...but I will not lie. Occasionally, that is a very hard thing to do.

My New Year's Resolution, beyond continuing to lose weight (22 pounds so far!) and spending more time with God, is to cultivate an attitude of gratitude NO MATTER WHAT...to really stop and think and count the many blessings I've been graced with.

To begin with this year, I am thankful for

1. My husband, who is exceedingly, abundantly more than I could ever ask or think, a true gift of the highest order straight from God himself.