The Last 1.5 Years of My Life

Where have I been for the last year and a half? I've been in law school. As a first-year law student, I had very little time for breathing, much less blogging. I anticipate my second year will be better, but honestly, this blog is pretty much only for me anyway. If I fall behind, I'm sure no one will particularly mind that much.

I worked hard in my first year of law school, and I'm happy to say that I did well. Going to law school was one of the best decisions I've ever made, a clear step in the direction of where God wants me.

What else happened to me in the past year and a half? I had another miscarriage in late May 2010, this time at just 4w5d. I barely knew I was pregnant. It is less painful somehow, the second time around...or at least it was for me. I suppose it's easier to trust in the grace and judgment of God in the face of what seems so terrible when you've exercised those particular muscles before and trained them what to do.

I am now seeing an endocrinologist for my thyroid issues and for PCOS. My TSH was .62 in February, .16 in July, and 1.6 in August. I have no idea what my thyroid is doing. I had a battery of tests a couple of weeks ago, and I'll get the results when I go back for my oral glucose tolerance test in September. Apparently, this is now a "gold standard" test which all PCOS patients should have before their 30th birthdays. I'm in my late twenties, so bring on the chugging orange I guess.

I wish I could say that, rough stone rolling that I am, I've become smoother in the last year and a half...and perhaps I have. I would like to think that I have. I would like to think that the rushing river of life running over me has revealed more of God's handiwork and the person I was created to be. I would like to think I am more humble, more grateful, and more concerned with the welfare of others. I would like to think that each turn on the Potter's wheel has molded me more into what He would have me be. I would like to think that I have surrended my own life for His, just as He once surrendered His life for mine. I would like to think I've laid it all down without picking it back up again.

I would like to think these things, but they are best left to outward observers, and to God...not to me. I am afraid that an attempt at self-evaluation would turn into self-deception, that what I would like to think would improperly influence what I actually thought. But I do hope that I am beginning to bear spiritual fruit even in this season of physical barrenness, and I hope that the Lord has done what He desires through me, that I have not stepped in His way but rather followed His still, small counsel. To be sure, one day I will know, but that day cannot be today. All I can do is pray that the Lord will give me a soft and willing heart, and that He will guide me always into truth and direct me in the path He would have me take, all to His glory.

LSAT Score

169! Thank you, Lord!

I am happy with this. It will likely get me into the school I want to attend, since it is way above their 75th percentile. No, it wasn't in the 170s, but I got the score I felt I wanted/needed, so I'm VERY happy. Most of all, I'm happy to be DONE. YAY!

Everything All at Once (Or, As the Eye Twitcheth)

Today has me smack-dab in the middle of everything.

First, I'm expecting my LSAT score at some undetermined time in the hopefully near future. I think my right index finger is about to stage a coup because it's tired of repeatedly clicking the refresh button. The official score report date is 1/5/09, but they usually do send out scores quite a bit sooner than they promise them. I'm anxious to get my score and know where I stand.

Second, tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and I have to work. This puts me in a unique situation because one side of my family has their Christmas gathering on Christmas Eve. Generally, the day before big holidays, we get off at 2:15, but sometimes we don't. My employer would not tell us whether or not we could expect to leave early tomorrow. Either way, I will be late to our 2pm gathering, but there is a distinct difference between showing up at 3 because I got off at 2:15 and showing up at 5 because I got off at 4:15. By 5, I don't imagine anyone will still be there!

Third, a lot of changes are happening at church and while change is good, it can be stressful.

Fourth, the previous three things I listed have made me sleep-deprived, which is not a desirable state for someone trying to navigate stressful situations. I need sleep, but when is that really going to happen, huh?

So yeah, that's where I am today, in the middle of everything, a ball of crazy.

My left eye is twitching, but I think the girl who sits behind me thinks I am flicking my eyelid with my finger for no reason at all. Lovely.